I tried to end things with this married man... and I did, but then I was kind of missing him (or maybe I was a little jealous) as I noticed him being friendly toward other women around the office after I ended things. I've realized it's really hard to find someone worthwhile when I feel really lonely (mostly late at night), to the point any guy who looks at me a certain way I'd probably start to have a little crush on him or something... I don't like feeling this way because I'm not desperate and if I was I'd be dealing with a lot of a**holes who just want to screw me... instead of just the one who happens to be married.
There's one guy who actually first became my friend that I tried to date, and we did very briefly but I guess he really just wanted to stay single in the end... now it's hard for me to just be his friend when I do really like him and I can't even get the guy to meet up with me in person after months of talking to him. Then at times, I notice he gets jealous of other guys who talk to me and he even asks me if I had "fun" over the weekend and I'm just like "would you really want to know that and also why should you care?" so then, he drops it. Unfortunately, I've noticed our friendship may even be coming to an end, it makes me sad because I don't really have anyone else I feel I can talk to about day-to-day things.
I do feel deep down that my married co-worker just isn't really interested, well, definitely not invested in me as he barely finds time for me, he never takes me anywhere, and we just hook up even when he knows I'm not interested in that because I need more from someone. I need substance, I need a friendship, I need someone who always wants to be with me and can hardly stop talking to me... I honestly feel like we don't even know each other even though we've known of each other for years. I finally got him to meet up with me for a second time outside of work (its been 5 months since the first time) and I honestly think it was because I told him how I work 3 jobs and I'd still find time for him (which he doesn't know me so he never knew that)... so maybe he thought all I do is sit around all day while he deals with his teenage son or something. I'm starting to feel as if he's making my life semi-miserable because that's really how he is in his marriage. Then all his excuses on how he's busy like how he had 2 jury duty things to go to in a week and supposedly they were both dropped so he never had to go... ok, so if that's the case why didn't he try to meet me then.
Needless to say, if someone else comes along I'm done with this married man who has titled us as "special friends" recently. Also, now I have a little crush on a new guy at work so, this could get very interesting if said "new guy" is single or if he even likes me but I did catch him looking and smiling at me today *sigh*. I guess it's just back to the drawing board unless a miracle happens in my love life. It's sad that I'm nearly 40 years old and the dating pool of amazing catches is extremely limited.
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