At this point, we're all probably a bit sick of hearing about this married co-worker of mine but I kind of just wanted to wrap up everything that has been going on with him since, as well as the guy I mentioned back in Part 5. To make a long story short, I believe it was a few months back but the married man ended up telling me how he had slept with his ex-wife and was considering going back to her. At that moment I realized if he could leave his current wife to go back to his ex-wife that he would've been willing to do the same for me... and yet, he did nothing of the sort and continued to make no real quality time for me. When he told me about this I was pretty heated, and he tried to play it off as if he was joking but it turned out to not be a joke at all. We are now able to chat again at work, but I'm no longer texting him or going out with him, or trying to actually be something because I know he'll never be the right person for me. I'm not going to be a second, third, etc woman in his life that he really doesn't appreciate in the end because ultimately he doesn't respect any of us and I know that all of us deserve so much better, especially at the expense of a guy who doesn't seem to know what he wants or what he's doing to us. Even today he says that he's waiting for me to reach out and message him to go do things again... but that's never going to happen so, he can just keep waiting and dreaming about the person he will never have again.
I mentioned before about basically falling for a person that had become my best friend over the past 10 months. We originally met off of a dating app and shortly after we had begun talking he ended up removing his account and told me that he wasn't ready for a relationship after all. So we became very good friends, I could talk to him about anything really. However, we would always end up flirting with each other and eventually ended up hooking up. Even on our first date, he told me how maybe he wanted to be in a relationship with me after all. Other times he told me that if he was ready to be in a relationship he would want to be with me, but we continued being flirty friends up until things took a turn. Suddenly he became a little quiet and after I continuously asked him what was going on he finally told me and it completely altered everything we had built. He told me that an old friend recently reached out to him and confessed to him that she had feelings for him. He said that he wanted to explore being in a relationship with her and acted as if he was now only telling me out of "respect" for me. I'm not sure what "respect" that was when I had to constantly ask him what was going on instead of him just being upfront with me and him choosing to hide it from me, for who knows how long, since he didn't give me any real info on the situation. If she was a friend of his how come he never mentioned her before to me and I doubt that she'll ever love him as much as I did but that's not my problem anymore. It was bad enough days before he told me that he didn't love me, even though in the past he had said he did. At this point, I was probably the most heartbroken I had ever felt in my entire life because I would have done literally anything for this person because I started to feel as if he was my person. Not to mention that for nearly a year it had all just basically been a lie since all it really took was the right person to come along for him to fully change his mind about the whole relationship ordeal. I realized at that moment that he just killed our entire friendship single-handedly because I was never going to be able to see him with someone else and just remain friends, especially when everything was a lie.
So, that's what has been going on in my life lately. I just want to state that it's actually very hard to write these posts at times and share my life with people on here but I feel like it helps me learn about myself which hopefully helps in my personal growth. I also hope that it helps others out there going through similar situations and knowing that you aren't alone. I'm hoping one day, I can post about positive things going on in my love life or lack-there-of but for now, this is what it is. Sometimes you have to go through hell to find and appreciate the good that heaven has to offer so, be thankful for what you have and if you don't have to go through these situations.
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