Years ago as I was working late at night when this new mechanic appeared at my workplace, he was goofy, cute, and well... it was kind of love at first sight for me because he kind of reminded me of someone from my past. Night after night he kept passing through my office and I kept wishing he'd ask me out or just talk to me a little longer but... he never did. So I just assumed he maybe wasn't interested in me or maybe he wasn't even single. I ended up leaving the company for a few years to pursue my degree and I later got a job in a different field. My job lasted a year and before I knew it I was coming back to work for this company once again, and honestly, I was super happy to be back. Upon coming back to the company there were still a fair amount of people I remembered working with before and this adorable man happened to be one of them. This time around was different though, he was flirtatious with almost all the women at work and we soon discovered he was in fact married. However, it didn't change the fact I still had a crush on him and it seemed that me ignoring my feelings, and at times him too, just made him come around even more.
Before long I found myself constantly desiring to be with him in every way possible and trust me, as an overthinker, everything negative about the whole situation had crossed my mind... down to the fact that we could eventually get caught by co-workers or possibly his family, and if it didn't work out we'd likely still be working at the same place. Honestly, keeping a low profile at work about relations with a co-worker is something I have concealed pretty well in the past because frankly, my personal life is no one's business unless I want it to be. As for his marriage situation, he claims it's "a marriage of convenience" as they have a 13yr old kid together but as he stated "once he's 18 he's an adult" so, that basically changes things for him and his likelihood of getting a divorce down the road (according to him that is). It does seem though that he has made failed attempts at communicating things with his wife about how he's feeling over their marriage. Yes, I have even tried putting myself in her shoes but I can't help how he feels about either of us... unless I were to just put a stop to things but it's hard when we both seem to have strong feelings for one another. I am curious though, that if he's going to stay in his marriage, how will he feel if I see other people because he can't fully commit to me at this point, or maybe I shouldn't care since him having an affair (or maybe even more than one) would just put us on a somewhat more equal playing field. Who's to say that his wife isn't out doing the same thing herself. Personally, I don't think it's worth me stressing over his wife and if he really wanted to leave her, he would, and I'm not going to force him into doing anything as it was his initial choice to pursue me.
About a week ago I got back from a 3-week long work trip to which he told me yet again how he misses me when I'm working at a different station (even though I shyly tried to invite him to come). He then proceeded to ask me out on a date and he was very excited and nervous in doing so. I agreed and I helped come up with an idea for our date, he picked the time and day, and we were set. A few days leading up to our date he came by the office, closing the door behind him and saying how he really wants to kiss me... but I told him we should wait so, he was fine with that (I didn't want our first kiss to be in a dusty storeroom at work, but I guess I'm just a sucker for little things like that because you only get one first kiss with someone). He also told me how he got a burner phone so that he can talk with me more because it has been hard to find any alone time to talk at work... trust me, it isn't for a lack of effort on either of our ends.
While some of you may be sitting there upset or just waiting for things to blow up, that's fine because I'm waiting for that moment too, and trust me, I GET IT. I don't know where things will lead or if I'll even be able to fully trust him myself but I still feel the need to see where things go because I have started falling for this person. I have rejected love for a very long time, to the point I have made it pretty non-existent in my mind and I'm not here to deny that to myself any longer, nor to someone else, if that's how they end up feeling too. I'm not here to end a marriage and who knows, maybe this ordeal could make his marriage stronger, the world has an odd sense of humor. I'm trying to be optimistic and think outside the box and the realm of what society deems as being "the norm" because if you haven't noticed... people do cheat and lie, that seems pretty normal, even if we constantly have a distaste for it.