August 05, 2017

Light His Fire - Chapter 1 Notes

Recently I have been helping my parents clean out their basement (in which we've now removed at least 3,000lb of stuff from the house) and as I was doing as such I stumbled across this book my mom had from 1989 called "Light His Fire" by Ellen Kreidman (I kind of giggled at my mom for having this but when she claimed that it's how she got my step dad to marry her.. I took the bait and actually decided to read a book for a change). Initially, I questioned how relevant this book would be today but as I'm now halfway through chapter 2 it does feel relevant and I think anyone looking to improve their relationship could benefit from this book.

This summer I ended up ending a relationship that lasted over a year and then remorsefully I had bounced into a new relationship that only lasted over a month during this same summer so, I felt that perhaps I could benefit from a book like this right now. I started summing up this book with some notes and decided to share it with you all on here. As I continue reading this book I will try to post more chapter notes on this blog and I would love to hear from you in the comments on if these things have been working for you or if you enjoy reading these notes of mine from the book.

Interestingly enough this book thus far has recently helped me start building a strong connection with someone new (I was pretty shocked to be honest because I didn't think this stuff would work, and you know me... when things do or don't work I will tell you the complete truth about it). One of the things I will mention on here is that I noticed (and this new person noticed because he actually still remarks on it and copies my behavior from it now.. without him even knowing I'm using the methods learned in this book) was when he asked me where I would like to go out to dinner. My response to this was "it doesn't matter to me, as long as I'm with you I'll be happy going anywhere". He laughed and then stated, "I feel like we are teenagers in love"... I was honestly shocked because that's what this book is trying to help couples do and the fact I'm not yet in a relationship with this person was pretty amazing. I will say this... if you have a past relationship and you read this book in hopes of trying to reconnect with an ex (who may have already moved on in a sense) than I don't know that this book will help you regain that relationship status with said person again. I feel like you'd end up doing a lot of apologizing (such as admitting you made mistakes, although don't state to him his mistakes.. just take accountability for your part on how you handle things) and that he may not know how to handle that (call it the male ego if you will), but all you can do after that is possibly wait things out (maybe he'll come around). Without further ado below are my chapter 1 notes, enjoy!

In Chapter 1 this book talks about asking people with good experience in relationships for advice (by good experience it means asking people who have been happily married for 10+ years). Don't ask people who have Ph.D.'s who got everything from a textbook, ask people who have KGFE (knowledge gained from experience). A very important thing to know is that for things to change you have to change and know that we have all the answers within us. For a relationship to survive you have to put thought, time, and effort into it. Perhaps you dont require a walk on the beach but your relationship does... think of your relationship as a business and know that relationships take work. Realize that strife should bring you closer and not further apart. You can't light someone's fire unless you feel good about yourself and come from a position of strength and knowledge... not weakness, subservience, or ignorance (also, there is a "Light Her Fire" book). Understand that our personal life affects our professional life. There's more reason to earn an exceptional income if there's an exceptional person in your life. You can have the relationship you've always dreamed about... one filled with love, mutual respect, communication, romance, excitement, passion, and sex... it's all up to you, you have that power. Get rid of your anger so that you can achieve romance, communication, fun, and intimacy in your life. You may find that you learn more about your partner in doing so. You will then gain the proper tools to improve your relationship from fear, frustration, and loneliness, and see that disappear from your life. You will gain strength that comes from being in love and creating your own destiny. Take full responsibility for your own happiness. No matter who you get advice from you're always better off making your own decisions regarding your happiness. If you focus on improving yourself you'll automatically build a better relationship with your partner. If you try to improve your mate it will lead to disappointment and failure... we can never improve someone else's behavior only our own. If you do some changing your mate will react to the change in you... changes may be subtle but try to lighten up and be kind... in doing so things will improve and when things improve it begins to have a ripple affect not only in your love life but your career and personal life, and the people around you will also benefit from your happiness. You don't have to settle for a mediocre life or a run-of-the-mill relationship and you don't have to settle for weeds when you can have a garden or settle for crumbs when you can have a feast. Before these changes can occur there must be new attitudes and behaviors on your part.

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